rain

This has been a rainy week, in more ways than one. Thunderstorms and heavy rains outside, yes, all up and down the East coast. But inside me, I feel kind of a dark stormyness too. I feel heavy, heavy in your arms, as Florence + would say. A subdued but present energy, like on a windy afternoon where suddenly heavy clouds move in but haven't decided yet whether to rain and thunder or just linger a while in their brooding.

It has been a week full of good conversations, frustrations, hard topics, short hours of sleep, and unresolved questions. I simultaneously feel relieved, apathetic, hurt, and energized.

I've had on my mind a theme touched on by Sherman Alexie. It's captured here in a statement about diabetes by a character in one of his books:

"The detective looked at us both. All he knew was criminals and how they worked. He must have figured diabetes worked like a criminal, breaking and entering. But he had it wrong. Diabetes is just like a lover, hurting you from the inside. I was closer to my diabetes than to any of my family or friends...."

There is such capacity to love deeply - and be loved deeply - and also to hurt deeply - and be hurt as deeply by - those you hold the closest. (And your pancreas.)

It is those who are most vital to us that we love so fiercely and sometimes so carelessly.

I raise a glass to lovers and vital organs everywhere, for loving deeply and for keeping our insides functioning.

//LB//

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