Today, I saw cancer.

//LB//

Letter in the Mailbox

Handwritten letters are the best. today I got home and checked the mail slot by the front door (something I do multiple times a day, even on Sundays and bank holidays), and FINALLY there was mail for me. a personal letter from my dear dear friend. On one page, as sort of a benediction, she wrote this to me:

"I hope that in the midst of studying and being surrounded by expectations - real and imagined, others' and your own - that you can step outside and remember who you are: A beautiful child of the King. Remember what you've seen in life, the faces of those who have touched your life and of the lives you've touched. And whether you are treating pressure sores, studying pathology, talking with a classmate who's freaking out over assignments, or enjoying a quiet moment in the sun - that you do it all to the glory of God, basking in His call over your life and His strength to see you through. That you will be free from stress to love all of the people that He brings into your path with the same love He has shown."

And then she went on to tell me that I bring joy to her heart. :-)

Even better than getting mail in the oft-empty mailbox is having a friend who loves you through and through. being known, weaknesses and strengths and all, is a beautiful thing.

I hope that her hopes for me can become reality.

//LB//

Even to your old age and gray hairs

I am he, I am he who will sustain you.

I have made you and I will carry you.

I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Isaiah 46:4

Is this nursing humor? Because I love it!

//LB//

Previously disillusioned is a good thing

I am so glad that I worked as a CNA before starting school to become a nurse. (Thank you to all the nurses in my life who suggested that to me!) I had plenty of time to get the hang of personal care and get comfortable with patient interaction, vital signs, changing people's underpants, bathing, and the overall picture of how things work in a patient care setting. Even more than the skills though, I see how being a caregiver affects the details you notice and care for in a patient, small care things that make a mammoth difference in comfort. Instead of my brain being all filled with details of procedures for our first days of clinicals in the hospital, I am relaxed and comfortable and can just focus on orienting myself to the floor and routines. I also think there are a lot of gaps in the nursing education, in any school, unless you have some clinical experience to build on.

I look around me and see a lot of awkward students. I know I look awkward too. But some people have never wiped anybody. Some have no awareness of bedside manner. Basics of bathing another person, feeding a person, reporting to the nurse taking over when you leave. I see many of my colleagues feeling disillusioned, having to wipe butts and smell poop, being in a chaotic environment, being around constant beeping, having to follow so many rules and regulations. I got a dose of reality before I ever became illusioned. I feel like I have an advantage. Mostly, I feel I have an awareness of who I am as a caregiver which is also who I am as a nurse.

I know I have a long way to grow before I fit into my nurse's hat and scrubs. And I know I will always be becoming better and more, but I find myself in the midst of a pool of students and am thankful to have learned what I have learned.

//LB//

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In Memory of Those Loved

June.

It used to be July.

It was always July that was the worst for our family - Daddy died, Daisy died, Terry's broken neck, most of Holly's broken/bruised/lost/injured experiences, Chessie, etc - but it seems June is the new July. We remember the passing of Grandpa (B.), 3 years gone. We remember Grandma (A.), just 1 year gone.

And as an add on, Kreatcher (Katt), one week gone. I know he's just a katt, but somehow an important part of our family. At least, there's something very sad about him getting carried off. He never was that bright, but I think we all imagined he would never not be there. More so with Grandma. Evenly so, if not more, with Grandpa, the ever-steady presence. There are some people you just never consider not being there.

//LB//

In other news, I got to go to a Mumford & Sons concert last night. It was great. We had lawn seating and a thunderstorms came upon us, drenched us, raged 40 mph winds, lightninged and thundered at us, then left. Then Mumford & Sons played and were incredibly great. So much talent there.

//LB//

a mind that learns

Second week of nursing school is finished. Have learned about cellular damage and professional boundaries and drug resistant bacteria. Have learned how to take vital signs, do a comprehensive health history and assessment, and dress wounds. Learning is like a workout for my brain. I love all the new info and details and that my professors show all the gooey icky wounds and diseases. I know I'm in the right field. The teaching style of nursing is such that you learn about something, then you practice it in lab, then, if possible, you do it on real people. I like that. While the skills take practice, it's often the psychosocial things I learn that are harder to put into action (and to practice), like interviewing people, taking a health history, and phrasing sensitive questions. I am learning about myself as a nurse; I tend to speak politely but very directly. This is good and necessary in some situations, done with sensitivity, but I must remember to be patient and see the bigger picture. There is a time to speak directly, there is a time to speak softly, and there is a time not to speak at all. I pray for wisdom and a growing ability to perceive/discern as I find my style of being as a nurse.

I starting reading the book about Henrietta Lacks, and I wonder why and how most of our medical developments come through human oppression. I'm thinking about the family of Henrietta Lacks, a poor family with few rights. Her cells were taken without informed consent and for DECADES her family didn't know her cells were being used for research all over the world. I'm also thinking about the concentration camps of WW2, and how much research and development was accomplished -- HUGE leaps and bounds in depth of understanding of the human body, its capabilities, and its diseases, the developments of cures and effective treatments -- all through the cruel and inhumane of Jews and others in concentrations camps. I am thinking too about the huge pharmaceutical companies that control drug production and prices, all for profit and usually in dishonest ways.

So many medical benefits are at the expense of our humanity.

Deep sigh.

I want to play a role adding humanity back into health.

//LB//